What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:45
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why does the UK Labour MP Jess Philips seem to be such a divisive figure?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What is the reason for the high rate of unmarried individuals in America, particularly among males?
Who then, do I blame.?
She wouldn,t have been !
I write beautiful poetry .
All the time i was locked up.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I said to her
When sharing a wife, is it best with your buddy or a stranger?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What is a good comeback for when someone calls you flat?
I was seconnd youngest,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
How does it feel to have sex with a 40 year old curvy aunty?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was scared of men, in general
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was very sick at this time too.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why am I sweating so much when I try to do anything?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He knew the spot.
What are the strangest parts of The Bible?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im still living with it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were not on the streets..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My life is so biszare .
This is soul school!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So whats the point in blame.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it wasn’t much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She married twice! .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She found it foreign!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He resisted the act ,that day.
But, we were locked up after school.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was in good health!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I don,t even have a pension.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Especially a lifetime of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
When she asked me how she looked .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I have no regrets .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What did i know ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
Ive learnt so much.
It was going to be , some day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I waited trembling.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Put me off passion for life!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was 9 years of age.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And i lived it daily.
Comes on , in middle age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Would this be the day?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Was to survive, this bastard.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So, i spoilt her more .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We all went to grammer schools
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One cannot live in the past .
I think the readers, may guess!
I will be 64.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.